Horoscopes

AIRES
You've got to overcome your timid nature. Do something today you've never done before. If you're too timid to do something you've never done before, think of something you have done before — but don't do it.

TAURUS
Today your barber will surprise you by using your head to single-handedly bring back the Mohawk hairdo.

GEMINI
This afternoon disaster will strike ... demanding more wages, shorter hours and great fringe benefits.

CANCER
Today will long stand out in your memory as the least memorable day you've ever had.

LEO
Today your name will be romantically linked with a show business celebrity. You'll be named in a paternity suit by one of the Muppets.