CANCER
Today's a good day to join the fight for law & order. Launch a drive to institute capital punishment for people who try to sneak through the supermarket express lane with more than ten items.
LEO
Today's a good day to let people know how cultured you are. Have a naughty limerick tatooed on your bicep.
VIRGO
Tend to financial matters today. Invest in common stock ... or if you live in Leawood, invest in upper class stock.
LIBRA
Life is passing you by, and it's your fault because you live too slowly. Try to catch up with life by having two birthdays this year.
SCORPIO
Attempt the impossible. Try to convince the Osmond Family to host a telethon for Planned Parenthood.
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