Horoscopes

VIRGO
Today's a good day to get in touch with your feelings. Send them an e-mail.
LIBRA
Introspection is the byword for today. Stay home from work and try to find yourself. Start by looking in the place where you last remember seeing you.
SCORPIO
You need a real change today. Go out and buy yourself a brand new dress, along with matching shoes and purse. If you're not sure what style to select, have your wife come along to help you choose.
SAGITTARIUS
Your rising sun has left its third house and is now living in a trailer in Topeka under an assumed name. Meanwhile, your horoscope for today is so incredibly lucky that I've decided to keep it for myself. Come back tomorrow and I'll give you two other horoscopes in exchange.
CAPRICORN
Demonstrate to the police that you truly believe in law & order. Pull over a speeding highway patrolman and make a citizen's arrest.